I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize