i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
