What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We got so high we made milksteak
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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