it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
