Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You ruined the universe
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
