if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think my vagina is haunted
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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