it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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