Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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