...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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