i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
