that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
