But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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