Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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