The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
