just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
