After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
