I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
