I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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