I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize