somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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