I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
