I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
