yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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