fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
