Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
