Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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