i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
