I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
