3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just threw up on my dentist
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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