So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
