I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
