mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
