I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize