Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
