We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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