He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
