I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
