Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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