is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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