I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize