we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
