hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
