Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
