I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
