I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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