I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Come share oat with me in your robe
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
