i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
