the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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