it's not cheating when I paid for it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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