Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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