he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up under a house in Key West
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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