Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
