and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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