am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
