Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I got inside last night via doggy door
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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