We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
