I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize