Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
