is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
