this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
