yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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