Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
