Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
