Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
