Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
