My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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