wat bout pragnant strippers??
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
