his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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