your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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