2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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