I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize