So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
