im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
