We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize