My friends, they love my intelligence
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
