Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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