I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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