My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
