hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
