I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize