dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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