Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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