She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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