is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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