rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my being single is dangerous.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
