dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I supernannyed him into submission
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
