happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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