U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
