even my farts smell like vagina
He kissed a someone with a penis
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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