you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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