i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
