We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
