She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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