Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
