I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
