What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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