This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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