??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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