He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
