if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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