Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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