Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
