Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
