the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
