I showed him my bush... on skype.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
