I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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