do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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