I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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