Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
