The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This baby is an asshole
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
