idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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