i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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