this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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